Reagan statue causes havoc in London city centre.

 Reagan statue causes terror alert


The cause of all evil





Today's unveiling of the statue of former President of the United States, Ronald Reagan, in London has caused widespread panic in the city. Every branch of death peddlers McDonald's has been swarmed by hoards of Japanese tourists trying to have their picture taken with the new statue. The streets of Soho, Walford and Sun Hill have been described by locals as "a right, royal cockney barrel of monkeys" as swathes of camera wielding Samurai stampeded the narrow cobbled streets in search of the figurine.

As a direct result of the high influx of people from the north of Japan, the radiation levels in London have risen to well above the safe level mapped out by the Geiger counter app on Boris Johnson's iPad. This in turn, has lead to a raising of the terrorist alert state, as fears of the Cornish Liberation Army launching some kind of massive dirty Japanese bomb, utilising a large number of radioactive Japanese people placed inside a huge Cornish pasty have risen considerably.

The real statue of Ronald Reagan

David Cameron gave this answer when questioned about the matter: "Eh, you what fam? This is well pale.. I totally wanted a Big Mac meal for lunch innit!". Unsure of what this actually means, the Metropolitan Police have been issued with Nerf batons, in order to avoid the unnecessary deaths of innocent foreigners on the underground system. The fears that this could cause long delays during the busy summer period, and that it would, perhaps, put people off from travelling to London for the Olympics next summer due to its poor public transportation system, is said to have Lord Coe shaking like a shitting dog.

Speaking from her home in Cuckoo Land, Baroness Thatcher has said: "It's a shame that this has ruined, what should have been a special day for my dear, old friend Ronnie. He was the bestest player of noughts and crosses I ever met".  Toady's events surrounding the unveiling, have raised serious questions about the security risk posed by small children fleeing, en masse, from the Michael Jackson statue at Fulham's football ground, Craven Cottage. Mohammed Al Fayed was unavailable for comment as his car was driving through a Parisian underpass when we tried to ring him.

FPWK