The FPWK How to guide

KP, legend with his bat, both on and off the field

Kevin Pietersen:

A Batsman’s Guide to Women



Alastair Cook on the pull again

The Pull: An important shot, to say the least. A batsman that cannot pull well will invariably slip further down the order in favour of more proficient batsmen. Selectors often choose a batsman with a flashy pull shot, particularly for one day matches. With women, the need to pull is the basis of 93% of all match play, master the pull and become a legend at the wicket. According to women, the other 7% is made up of sense of humour and good shoes.

 
Leg Glance: This graceful shot needs quick reaction speeds, and when perfected, can be done with little or no movement of the head or eyes. Summertime = Legs, and mastering the sly art of the Leg Glance, whilst in the company of your girlfriend, is a must to fully enjoy the fruits of the good weather.
  

Bell, when not dicking around, has
a great cover drive

Cover Drive: A shot to be played with caution due to high risk of being caught out, but very impressive when pull off to perfection in front of friends. A Cover Drive is an impromptu white-lie, created at great speed, whilst on the phone to your girlfriend, whilst surrounded by friends in the pub, the best examples lead to uninterrupted drinking.


The Sweep: This shot is when a batsman smashes an easy target into the boundaries in a flashy manner, often whilst on one knee. Mostly performed on heavily drunken women, that have set themselves up get to smashed from the start of play.

 
The Leave: The leave, despite not actually playing the ball, is considered a shot by many legendary batsmen. The leave, when used wisely, helps batsmen avoid making terrible decision to play an ugly delivery, when caught off guard or unprepared. The leave gives most satisfaction upon waking in the morning, and realising that you didn’t opt to smash the googly from the night before.

Flintoff knew when to leave

The Cut: Apart from the leave, the cut is typically considered the most important stroke a batsman must master. Learning when to cut is important to a batsman’s innings, as a correctly timed cut will result at a longer, happier spell at the crease. Allowing things to carry on, with a woman, when it is clear there is no chance of a good innings can result in disaster and clearly calls for the cut to be played. However, if you feel a little more time can be given to see how the delivery tosses up, a late cut can be played if deemed necessary. 



Our very own KP, simply smashing it!

The Slog: The slog is a shot mainly used to hit a ball for six over deep mid wicket. Two or three sloggers per innings will generally result in a good score, although if used too often, it can result in a raised level of performance expectation. As a rule, with a split-arse, you should learn to keep them happy with quick singles and then once in every while, absolutely smash the granny out of it with a crowd pleaser!

Good luck in middle chaps and always remember to keep your bat well oiled!

KP