Morrissey set to replace Prince Phillip as UK's political uncorrectness spokesperson

Here, Morrissey indicates where he wants the darkies to watch from

Lisping twat, Morrissey, has been officially confirmed as the successor to Prince Phillip as the spokesperson for the working man. Until recently, there had been some debate who would take over from the olive munching, nonagenarian Mountbatten, when he tires of insulting ethnic minorities and upsetting the LGBT community. However, Morrissey's fantastic outburst on Sunday, gave David Cameron no choice but to award the post to him. At a gig in Poland on Sunday night Morrissey said, and this is a direct and actual quote:

'We all live in a murderous world, as the events in Norway have shown with 97 dead,' he said (when the death toll was thought to be higher). 'Though that is nothing compared to what happens in McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Shit every day.'

Mountbatten: Pretty fly for a white guy

The likening of the Norway atrocities to McDonald's and KFC by Morrissey may have sealed the deal for the job, however Prince Phillip is less than happy at the appointment. Morrissey had a pop at the Royal family during the recent Royal wedding calling them "benefit scroungers". Of course, Phillip went off his tits upon hearing this and launched his riposte by putting this statement on his facebook status:

"Bloody Poof!, I should take him out the back and get my grandson to get his butler to give him a damn good thrashing! Anyway, nobody listens to you any more! Keep your bloody shirt on too, you like like a bin bag full of goose meat in aspic!"

To add to this scathing status update, Phillip has also ordered Nigel Kennedy and Gary Rhodes to get rid of their Morrissey based hairdos or face being "hanged by the neck until they die". Kennedy immediately cacked his pants and got a number one all over, whilst Rhodes is currently in the middle of filming his new series Rhodes across Rhodesia and is not expected to return alive. Meanwhile, close friend of the singer and fellow vegetarian and plantpot, Yoko Ono, jumped to his defence with this statement that she gave, whilst dressed as a Polar Bear and buried up to the tits in whipped cream by means of a protest:

"Wooooooo Weeeee ayayayayayayayayyayyeeee KOO KOO PING PING"

As per usual, not a single person on the planet cares what Ono is banging on about since she split the Beatles up. Meanwhile, Morrissey's lawyers have taken out a super injunction, not against any one person, or to stop any single piece of information getting out, more just for "shits and giggles" according to our source, who definitely did not hack any one's phone or email account at London based law firm Sodom, Gomorrah and Heseltine.

In order to delay his retirement from the post and prevent Morrissey from ascending into power, Prince Phillip has been in talks with Ryan Giggs about how to extend his career. Giggs recommended quorn burgers, pilates and smashing the granny out of anything that moves, particularly empty headed Welsh bints as they take up the tea towel holder.

Jeremy Axemister

FPWK