Beady Eye set to tour Iran

Beady Eye, possibly the worst name for a band since the Hitler youths failed boy band, Final Solution

Two years after whining Mancunians, Oasis, decided to turn it in, Liam Gallagher's new band, Beady Eye, are about to embark on a 6 month tour of Iran. Hailed as the most daring tour by any mediocre, spin off band ever, the "More Dollar Than The Ayatollah" tour will consist of more than 20 gigs, Koran signings, an appearance on Radio Tehran's live lounge, fighting with locals, a gig in a mosque and a monkey type posturing competition with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Here, Gallagher practices sign language for ordering drinks

Despite being completely ignorant of other peoples faiths, beliefs and religions, the half witted front man is keen on soaking up the local culture. "E'Yar Knob'ed, me and the lads are gonna tear the Middle East a new arsehole, we've been googlin' 'Tehran nightlife' and we have found some boshty pubs and strip clubs where we can have the after parties".

Iranian chief cleric, and former roadie for The Charlatans, Ahmad Khatami has denounced the tour, saying that tour clashes with the height of the stoning season and may lead to empty stadiums for the national sport of Iran. "It is disrespectful of Beady Eye to interrupt the stonings, there are women that need a big crowd to get themselves in the proper frame of mind for the match."

This is also adds to the recent decline in Iranian women taking up the sport. A loophole exploiting a backdoor for Kurdish people, homosexuals and political prisoners to become professionals in the sport, has put off many Iranian women from a position they once had reserved solely for themselves. Sepinood Gashinered, spokesperson for the Iranian Women's Stoning Association, gave this statement about the matter:

"For centuries, the women of Iran enjoyed the privilege of being the sole participants in the stonings, but due to this loophole it is becoming increasingly more difficult for women to get into the sport. Once upon a time, all a good woman had to do to get into a match, was have a period within a mile of a man, nowadays, it is much harder. I have heard of extreme cases of women speaking in public and even baring their wrists on a Friday, just to break into the stoning scene. Now, I'm not trying to say that ethnic minorities and other such people are entitled to a good death, but maybe we should have separate leagues, for separate people?"

Sepp Blatter has strongly opposed this move in the sport, along with 'stone-line' technology, stating it would be hard to implement across the world game and could lead to unneccessary injuries amongst its participants.

Meanwhile, Noel Gallagher has stayed in his home studio preparing for his first solo album release. A source inside Noel's Monobrow studio, has revealed that Noel has been busy rearranging the six different chords that he knows, into as many different permeatations as possible. "He is sick of people moaning about all the Oasis songs being rip offs of the Beatles, or T-rex, or David Bowie, or Neil Young, so he's enlisted the help of songwriting genius Daniel Bedingfield, to help him get a new fresh sound". Noels first album "Frantic Frapping Water" is set for release on the 2nd of Julember.

News just in: Radioahmadinejehead, Iran's number one tribute band are to support Beady Eye on their tour of Iran.

FPWK