Tories Push For End To Political Correctness

FPWK don't make campaign posters, but if we did, they'd probably be the best campaign posters in the world.

David Cameron revealed new government plans yesterday to phase in the complete abolition of Political Correctness (PC) by mid 2014.


Cameron kept his cards close to his chest with regards to finer details, but offered assurances to The Commons that the words "Paki, Spacker, Shirt-Lifter, Wop, Kike and Coon...." will all be considered affectionate, if crude, forms of address by 2020.


Baroness Thatcher led the applause for Cameron's plans.  Unsurprisingly, she claimed that the new legislation was not going far enough.  "No!  No!  No!  No!  No!"  said Thatcher, "Calling a spade a spade is merely a matter of freedom of speech.  Making the poor wear dunces hats and bells is where we should really be heading.  David knows this, you can tell if you look directly into his vacuous, shark-like eyes."

Botha:  Knew his Bwanas from his Kaffirs.

The proposed legislation is vehemently opposed by all major parties with the shocking exception of the British National Party (BNP), whose stance on the issue is staggeringly predictable.  BNP Leader, Nick Griffin had this to say: "Tell me why it doesn't make sense?  Think of the ink we'll save on all those benefit forms.  Instead of god-knows-how-many boxes to choose from when ticking your nationality, we'll now have two:  Pure or Impure.  The money we'd save under this scheme should go to fund a statue of PW Botha in Padiham or towards the making of a film adaptation of Mein Kampf, directed by Phill Edwards."


Naturally, women do not escape Cameron's plans, with legislation ending the Female Vote scheduled to be rushed through by the end of the year.  The coalition's bold move also includes banning women from owning acoustic guitars, pianos, Adele records or copies of The Female Eunuch.  Feminists across the country have rallied behind their inevitable spokes"PERSON", Germaine Greer who turned up smelling like shit, in a pair of dungarees to speak to FPWK reporter Edwin Hughes-Hughes-Hughes-Hughes:  "Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh meh."  said Greer,  while pointing at the purportedly 'phallic' Gherkin building in London; "meh-mehmememememehmeh, meh meh." she continued.

Labour leader, Ed Miliband , whose father of course was a massive raving Marxist, has responded to the government's proposals by pouring scorn on previous Tory and Lib Dem policies.  "This isn't bandwagon jumping, or opportunism."  Said the shadow PM, "At the last election, of the 193 Tory MPs elected, just 17 were women, only two black or minority ethnic and two were openly gay.  What a fucking shocker.   If they were truly representative of the country they would have 99 women, 16 black or minority ethnic and ten gay MPs, and as I think we've probably established over the years - that isn't going to happen is it?”

Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) charity, Stonewall, realeased the following statement in response to the spiralling debate:

The 'family friendly' Blackpool Pride march.

"We here at Stonewall would love to be able to tell you that this has come as some sort of surprise.  Sadly, that is not the case.  The Conservative party's record on political correctness for LGB people makes about as inspiring a read for us as the story of Sodom and Gomorrah.  Not since Oscar Wilde converted to Catholicism on his deathbed have we been so disappointed.  Fear not though, we'll carry on prancing up and down Blackpool Promenade once a year, covered in sequins, to the deafening 'boom-cha, boom-cha' of our beloved gaudy music while supping Bacardi Breezers - what's not to like?"

Johnny Plantpot
FPWK