Met Office Chief In 'McEnroe' Twitter Outburst

God lights up the Irish sea last night with what He calls the 'Festival Buster'

Ridiculously inaccurate charlatans, The Met Office, were at the centre of a media feeding frenzy yesterday, after CEO John Hirst inexplicably launched a foul-mouthed tirade at God Almighty on social-networking website, Twitter.


Hirst is believed to be disconcerted with God's recent weather for the UK and decided to publicly declare his disgust.

Manchester before the proper rain came.

Hirst's 'tweet' is believed to have read:  "@jesushchrist  July?  McFly?  Hello?  Manchester under 4ft of water!  You cannot be serious!  You cannot be fucking serious!"


A Met Office spokesman released the following statement in response to Hirst's outburst:

"July is traditionally a summer month for the UK.  As such, Met Office employees and weather forecasters are contractually bound to smugly predict fine weather, particularly in the South-East.  Sadly, Mr Christ has decided to fly in the face of all that by unleashing a series of downpours of, frankly biblical proportions.  If I lived within 50 miles of a river I'd have built an ark by now.  Whilst we cannot condone Mr Hirst's blasphemous outburst, he was limited to 140 characters and we can certainly see his point.  We will not be seeking his resignation."


Predictably, religious groups were first off the mark with the usual pitchfork bollocks.
Vatican spokesman, The Pope, 84, broke off from an on-line Nazi role-playing game to tweet in response:  "@snakeoilhirsty  Blasphemy is a true sin.  May The Lord smite all sinners (except kiddie fiddlers) #nojohnnies"

Sarah Palin's back garden yesterday.

Of course, none of this ridiculous weather has anything to do with climate change if you believe such respected figures as Jeremy Clarkson, who powers his cars with plutonium and polar bear juice, or Alaskan governor, Sarah Palin, who has consistently pooh-poohed climate change theory despite the fact she can now see Russia from her porch.

Think-Tank, blackiswhite.org released the following statement in defence of climate change deniers:

"Global warming alarmism is a breach of our human rights and Al Gore is a wanker."  Said the statement.  Blackiswhite.org, who also lobby for Holocaust Deniers, Astral Travellers, Roman Catholics and people who can't decide whether homosexuality should be eliminated by stem-cell research or not, continued to state:  "The Environmental Protection Agency are essentially fascists and Kyoto is a load of shit."

Meanwhile, here in North-West England it continued to piss it down, and my fucking roof is leaking again.  Nice one.

Johnny Plantpot
FPWK