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| Brievik's X Ray raised considerable alarm |
Earlier on Thursday, it appeared that his grand scheme had paid dividends as not a trace of his filth could be found in the morning papers, yet by evening it was a different story as yet another dead girl's name turned up on the files of News International's Private Investigators.
"We should have seen through it, really", said Eric Doritos, Head of Voyeurism at Hello Magazine. "Initially I thought that the horrific events in Norway were just the tragic, desperate acts of a lone twat. But looking at pictures at him, he's the most Aryan man in the world. People just don't become that Aryan by genetics alone. And there's only two men in the world who hate the Jews, the blacks and the poor enough to create some kind of Aryan superman; Hitler and Murdoch. And Hitler's dead. And less right-wing. It's now clear that Anders Behring Breivik was created in a lab at News International, then despatched into the wild to create a news story of some kind."
As unpalatable as that thought may be, his theory was backed up by Richard Dawkins, who shouted the following over his shoulder whilst taking a leak at a service station near Bolton:-
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| He didn't wash his hands |
"If you look at all the evidence, it's clear that Brievik was a robot from the future. Look at the kill count. It would have taken Derrick Bird or Raoul Moat fucking years to chalk up numbers like that. This guy is some kind of Terminator. To build a Terminator you've got to have a whole lot of dollar and the brooding, sinister mind of an evil genius. There's only one name that fits the bill.Well, two names if you consider Bono. But for the purposes of this article, it's Rupert Murdoch."
Independant analysis suggests this event was on the cards for some time. This footage obtain by British police shows two female Terminators captured by the roadside. During questioning, they threw themselves under the wheels of an articulated lorry to escape, only to pick themselves up and run off, leaving police astonished and slightly turned on:- THIS IS NOT NORMAL
One can only speculate as to the current whereabouts of these Terminator girls, but Sweden is on notice that an atrocity may occur. Being an independant website and having legal responsibility, we must point out that nobody's saying that somebody's about to burn Sweden. We're just saying Sweden may get burnt.
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| Ginger, irritating, but still more tolerable than Rebekah Brooks |
All Murdoch's hard work and effort was sadly wasted when it transpired that the mother of murdered child Sarah Payne was also hacked by grief-vultures at NOTW, and the ensuing level of public revulsion has ensured another difficult day of headlines for the octogenarian phone fiddler tomorrow. Just to add bite to the story, like a cherry full of piss on a cake made entirely out of shit, the mobile phone in question was given to her by hellbound fuck-up magnet Rebekah Brooks.
Brooks, who now holds the unique distinction of surpassing Bonnie Langford and Hazel Blears as the most hated ginger witch in the country, allowed the following defiant squeak to spew forth from her wretched lying lips:- "These allegations are abhorrent and particularly upsetting as Sara Payne is a dear friend".
A spokesmen for Ms Brooks later stated that she had no further comment to make; her day having already been emotional enough, with hours spent trawling through weeping messages of condolence on Amy Winehouse's voicemail.
Rob van Riot
FPWK
